You're a smart girl!

 You're a smart girl

Your smart he/she says to you

As you open up your heart,

Divulging your inner demons

Your inner troubles

And your lost soul.

So I'm smart they say,

So is that supposed to make this easier?

Because last time I checked in with myself,

I was drowning on the inside,

Struggling to keep my head above water,

Feeling confused,

Between what is real and what isn't, 

And most of all self hate,

But I'm a smart girl,

So simply I should be able to change my thoughts and feelings right?

Change sadness into happiness,

Anxiety into feeling peaceful,

And my negative thoughts into positive ones,

So I guess I'm meant to be able to shake how I feel?

Change how I feel using my inner thoughts,

Maybe I just put all my troubles 

In a box,

And mail them off,

Yet the troubles inside my mind,

Keeps returning with 'Return to sender' 

On the outside. 

Feeling anxious,

Lost,

And a bit afraid,

I keep fighting,

Again and again

Because on this road to recovery,

I am learning about why I am the way I am,

Yes I am smart and insightful,

And telling me that often makes me feel misunderstood,

Because being insightful means I live the nightmare 

Instead of life in denial. 

This girl who you tell is smart

Feels broken a lot of the time

But one step at a time

She's fighting to recover,

To find her inner happiness, 

Life can change, 

Life can be different

Through getting up and fighting

And not merely surviving

Because that smart girl will one day start living

And she'll find her why

And not because she is smart

Because she fought hard to create her tomorrow.