Dear younger Hannah,
Oh how I wish I could’ve prepared you with the skills to cope for the life events that were going to be thrown your way. I’m sorry for the things you were yet to go through, the battles you would face.
As your bubble in your world would pop, and you everything and everyone you loved would disappear. You were to go through some really tough and lonely times. You'd tell yourself that you could only rely and depend on one person and that would be yourself.
You'd begin to start restricting your food intake and ramping up your exercise, thinking and believing it would help you feel and get your life back into some form of control. Engaging in these habitual reigns make you feel more in control and numb from the pain.
But deeper you fell into these behaviours the more and more you and your life would spiral out of control.
At this time you wouldn't even know you had an eating disorder, you didn't even know what an eating disorder was. Let alone eventually being diagnosed with Anorexia.
Over the years you'll go through some really really challenging, difficult and traumatic times battling with your eating disorder and cobid mental and chronic illnesses.
With this battle you've lost your friends who you've pushed away and have no family around you. I know right now you feel isolated and alone.
There will be times where you feel really depressed and question your purpose on this planet.
I can't promise you an exact time in this journey where things won't be this hard. But I promise you that one day life will get better, that you will get better.
I can promise you that you do have the inner strength within you to get through this one day at a time.
You'll discover who Hannah is.
Who Hannah without Anorexia is. Which has been your identity for years.
You'll discover her passions, aspirations, hopes and dreams.
For some lucky reason the stars and the universe align you to some people who love and adore you. And who you equally love and adore them the same. These people become your rock, your family.
As you're discovering Hannah, you'll learn to love and respect her.
I believe, back and support you every inch of the way,
I hold hope for you always.
I know it's really really hard right now,
You are in the thick of the storm right now.
But you will see the sun shine brightly.
Because after it rains the sun always comes out again.
Please keep fighting and don't give up.
You can do this.
Love your older self
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