"The 8 Keys to Recovery" A goodbye letter to your eating disorder self pg61

Early May 2020

A goodbye letter to your eating disorder self

Dear my eating disorder self,

Right at this very moment I'm not ready to completely say goodbye yet, but I'm going to give this task a go. 

Together we have been through a lot over the years. Without you I'm not sure how I would've gotten through them. You have served so many roles and purposes. And been there during some really hard times. 

You became my only friend, the only thing I could rely on and trust. Your voice made me feel more in control. Initially following your voice had no consequences, but they would add up very quickly. More quickly than you could imagine or even be aware of. The innocence of needing to be in control, my world would escalate further out of control. Your voice would be the only voice I could hear. You began as my friend, my main support. But soon you became a thing I had a toxic relationship with. One where I was brainwashed into believing that this way of life, how it was right in this very moment that it was the only way. For years I've let you make me believe it to be true. But I'm learning a lot about myself and learning that I don't need you or your voice to control my life anymore. That I don't need you to control my thoughts, my goals and my behaviours. 

I am breaking free, I don't need you anymore. I'm learning how to deal with my demons and problems in life without the need to numb them out with eating disorder behaviours. 

I am stronger, I am more resilient than ever. 

It's hard breaking up from you, it hasn't all been bad. But the bad has outweighed the good. It's time to say goodbye and begin the next chapter of my life. A life free from needing your voice and rules to get through the ups and downs.

I can do this.

I am no longer alone.

Neither do I need to do it all by myself anymore.

In times of struggles and in times when you're trying to recover and you hit some huge waves in the ocean, you may be tempted to let your ed self back in.

But please don't.

You don't need it.

You can do this.

You can ride the wave out. 

Remember to seek help

Ask for help. 

Don't let your inner critic or that ed voice tell you that you are not worthy. 

Because that couldn't be further from the truth. 

You can get through anything, you don't need to revert back to your ed self.

I know it's scary

I know it's hard

But don't give up

Keep fighting

You can do this.

This is a far better road to travel on to move forwards and upwards.

Love your healthy self X